I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
