someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
