She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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