The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
