dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
