What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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