i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
