the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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