he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
