And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
