dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
