obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
