my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
