When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
