can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
