Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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