Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize