Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
