Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
