Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
