I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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