the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize