i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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