it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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