i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
