dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am available for nakedness
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
