doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it was like eating out sand paper
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
