dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
