You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
