Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
