i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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