If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
