I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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