Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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