our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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