he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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