I can tuck mytits in my pants
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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