Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
