I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
