Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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