Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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