someone threw a dead crab at me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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