I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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