the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
