I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't make out with my wife yet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
