I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
