Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
