He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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