so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
