this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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