in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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