Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
