Can i not drive my cunt home
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
