So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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