she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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