I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize