Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
