Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
