Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
