Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
