Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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