I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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