i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
