just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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