I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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