Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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